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EROTICA

EROTICAHAHA!

( Gay and Straight Fiction. Don't be shy it's all based on humour)

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HUMOUR
IRREVERENCE
CHOCOLATES & FLOWERS
CHILDRENS
THE HEALING PROCESS
DISTURBANCE

 

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Erotic Distraction N0 4

Agony Grant (Dysfunctional Erotica)

(Word Count 19, 947)

Please, please, please be Offended’ (it can be very, very refreshing).


Grant is a dysfunctional man from a dysfunctional family, with a dysfunctional friend with a dysfunctional family (but he doesn’t find a crooked sixpence by a crooked stile).Offence? Doesn’t exist in Frankie’s Wonky World. Grant sees himself as a great agony uncle, and only wants to help others. While saving the world, Grant also looks after his mother, and does strange things with tortoises.

 

Max Barker LIKES this book

This is laugh out loud funny!

 

Subject: Agony Grant

Frankie,
Just finished your A.G. “novlet”.  You are one clever, talented, sick f**k!  That was a terrific, nasty read!
Keep on writing!  (I take it, those stains on the page aren’t tears?)
Ron

 

Dave Dornbush LIKES this book

Funny and full of sophisticated wit.

 

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One morning, quite a while after his operation, Billy wakes up to find his life has to change. Things change again after his boyfriend has an argument with some fish. A little different from the normal erotica, but less boring (so to speak).

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***

You wouldn’t believe it, the toilet door is jammed again. I have nothing to do but wait until the locksmith arrives. Saying that, and idea comes to mind, so I take my notebook from the rear pocket of my diamond and ruby studded jeans and emerald encrusted belt ... and begin to write some erotica. This though is erotica with a difference, so avant garde you will need binoculars to see that garde.

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Learning the lesson from the first book, Dubai, I left the toilet door ajar this time and a draught closed it. The last book (Dubai ... well, did you? Dubai it? LOL!) is out there doing its thing, so now, locked in the loo again, I may as well start part 2.

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Pineapple Pleasure 2 - Sleeping on the Job

 

Carl, Tony and their little winged friend Superfly get together again. This time they travel to lands far and distant in a flying ‘rig’ designed by Superfly, to a secret lab where a fantastic scientific/electronics expert genuis (you wouldn’t believe how he achieved that position) in a secret lab, helps them design the world’s greatest, revolutionary, ‘probably’ sex toy.
This story has the power to change your life, seriously.

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Pineapple Pleasure

Carl and Tony are two gay guys living together in a Civil Partnership.
Carl’s dream is to go to Dubai for the holiday of a lifetime, but they have little money, with the only compensation being a good sex life. Is this to be it? A life where they are sexually fulfilled, but broke. It could be worse, but it could be a hell of a lot better too.
October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s PA, recommender, life coach and dietician).

 

Dave Dornbush LIKES this book :
This was a fun and cute read. I would LOVE to read a sequel with the erotic (mis)adventures of Carl and Tony (and of course SUPERFLYYY!!). I could definitely see this as being a fun little series.

Review by: Ernest Winchester on Aug. 07, 2012 :
Well, that was different—perhaps too different. Or maybe it’s just British, in which case too British. And your pineapple, well it looks painful. But maybe that’s just my American straight way of looking at it. At least I think I’m a straight American—never tried the alternative to know. Maybe some day.

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Eggbertina the Eggrotic Ostrich Love Egg,  presents:

Roger, the Talking Vibrator

( Word Count 6160)



 

 

Roger was spawned when Frankie went into a city centre shop, where people with no money shop till they drop, and then fall out over the credit card bills. The talking vibrator was in a ‘gizmo’ shop. ‘Press button’ .. what’s the last thing you’d expect a vibrator to say?
“Not tonight, I have a headache.”
Roger had to be born to fix this flaw.

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***

 

Erotic Distractions

Frankie’s Erotic Distractions are like his Irreverent Distractions ... a little sexy break from the harsh reality of life which everyone likes to create every day (you should read Frankie’s wellbeing books and learn how to create differently ... it’s very possible).

 

Title: Erotic Distraction No 1

Nessum Dorma

(Word Count 2897)

FREE !



 

Deals mainly with the musical stimulation of certain female body parts. Excellent if you can be bothered with the practice. May not be suatable for some men when the World Cup is on, weekly or weekend football, sports programmes, snooker ... etc

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Erotic Distraction N0 2

Cosmically Ordering Sex from a God with a

Devlish Sense of Humour

(Word Count 4758)


Cosmic ordering is a great thing, which most people hate, because it doesn’t work for them; but that’s only because they miss the point, and do it all wrong. Most think that if they feel bad, they can ‘cosmically order’ something, which, when it comes, makes them feel good ... then they mumbo jumbo it when it doesn’t work ... etcetera, etcetera. Cosmic ordering (allowing) works by a simple principle, which is like energy attracts like energy; believe me, October Aurora Sunrise ... get into Frankie’s wellbeing books, all is explained. So, to have nice things come into your life, you have to be feeling good, consistently, MOST of the time ... how’s that for a bitter pill? (It still tastes bitter if taken with a spoon full of sugar)
BUT! Lordy, isn’t there always a but?!
God, the inventor of cosmic ordering, ... a fairer system was never invented ... likes a laugh. Along comes Frankie, wanting sex and money, and so, decides to cosmic order them. God rubs her hands together, and ...
It’s not pretty. This is an erotic-wellbeing book I think. Frankie doesn’t follow the genre rules.
Rules? What the ‘uck’ are they?

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Erotic Distraction N0 3.1

The Blue Movie, and Louise

(Word Count 6185)



The Blue Movie is about a visit to a seedy cinema.

Louise.
This one caused some controversy. A woman wrote to frankie via e mail and said:
“I find Louise offensive! My daughter who died was called Louise!”
The Louise in this story, the love of Frankie’s life, also meets her demise ... but, using a stormy old technique .... can he re instill life into her?????

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