A short history of the founder of this magazine... Benjamin Eduardo Lovent

 

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An American with a Spanish sprinkling in his gene pool
Intro written by The Ace Historian

Benjamin Eduardo Lovent landed in England in 1923 having survived broke in New York for many years. He had saved dimes and other change he picked up off the streets to pay his passage. He climbed off the boat penniless (or dimeless) and immediately found a coin on the floor. It turned out to be a penny and so he told himself in positive fashion that he was no longer penniless as he now had one whole pence.

He wondered what to do with this small fortune and found a junk shop which was selling a crystal ball for a penny. He bought it and began telling peoples’ fortunes in a phone box. It turned out that Benjamin had a gift for giving people tips on how to make the predicted fortune. Fortune telling is okay but sometimes the client has to put a little effort in. Eventually, Benjamin had enough cash to realise a dream and buy his own magazine which started as one page. He called it THE Magazine and amongst other fascinating things gave people ideas on how to fun–think like some very wealthy people, but he wasn’t happy with the name, but what could he do about that? Sales were low and so Benjamin decided to rename the magazine, something amusingly catchy.

His hobby was doing daft things which amused him. To chill, he loved playing the bongo drum and invented a ‘game’ where he would strip naked, wear a mask and play the bongo. He liked to travel and so went to the Congo and played his bongo on the river banks, sat on his favourite seat; a commode from a care for mentally challenged, yet beautiful people. Reports from explorers say that monkeys came from the forest and danced to his catchy beat. He called it not nude bongo, but ‘nuddy bongo’, which is incidentally where the name for the world’s most interesting magazine came from; now you know (if you were at all interested).

In 1985 Benjamin was cranking out an addictive beat in the Congo Delta on the banks of the river when he was attacked and eaten by a hungry anaconda which are plentiful there, because it’s pretty nice and there are lots of explorers which hungry anacondas can snack on. One woman etymologist, the privately famous butterfly and moth catcher Deidre Smith found a business in this; of which Benjamin would have been proud. She used her dog, Madge, who was an excellent anaconda poo sniffer to sniff out anacondpoo, rescued the explorer’s clothes from the steamy clammy shit pile, and sold them on e bay to people who liked going to fancy dress parties dresses as explorers with shirts with genuine anaconda teeth marks in them. Anacondas owe their diet including excellent roughage to Deidre as one missing explorer was replaced by another as we need the gathered data for our schools so the unsuspecting pupils can learn about the savage jungle before they go to work for a living; especially in offices.

You can always tell when an anaconda has eaten an explorer without chewing, because the look on its face is like a woman giving birth to a frisbee, as the sharp edged pith helmet comes out. The anaconda which ate Benjamin was lucky, because, as usual, he was in the nuddy and the snake didn’t swallow the portable crapper. The gorilla who picked up his bongo managed to, first of all wash it (spectacular behaviour for a gorilla), tear the skin off and now uses the drum body as a hat.

The magazine ceased because its daddy had gone ... the readership mourned; some who worked in offices or education threw themselves off window ledges. The good news is (especially for offices worldwide with diminishing staff with nothing to amuse them), the magazine was started again in 2015 by Wonky eBooks, the amusement specialist shop featured in the magazine.

 

NUDDYBONGO

This is a silly little rhyme
Written in 3, 6 and 4/4 time

***

A magazine owner like to play nuddy bongo,
In a mask he would drum on the banks of the Congo,
Apes came from the forest to mesmerically listen,
Those that didn’t – didn’t know what they were missin
He would create a catchy, crazy rhythm
The apes would dance and the birds would dance withem.

***
‘Normal’ people may think that this site is mad,
But come on in anyway,
It can’t be ‘that’ bad ...

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