An article by Roger Emup-Butté
‘Executive Toy’ Inventor
When you are an executive you must be an angry, cruel stress junkie and what’s more, people from all levels of the corporation loathe you and want to harm you.
It is also very distracting if the executive from the high rise office block opposite yours, also hates you and spends his or her day making rude gestures at you from their window when you’re trying to choose your Summer holiday while at the same time approving unapproved Summer leave applications from your overworked staff from their evil, power abusing, overseeing managers. Even though others are your mere playthings, life is still lacking in fun for you (unless you count downing Bisoprolol Fumarate as fun).
I though have devised an ingenious executive de-stress toy which can be used to exact revenge on all of those who hate you; especially that lovely person in the office block opposite.
If you like cheese you probably like those small cheeses in the easy to remove wax casings; clue, if a bell has a baby, what is that youngster?
You will need minimum five cheeses so buy one of the net bags full and, a bottle of wine you like (14% abv is perfect ion in a bottle. The taste is irrelevant, but it will taste like cat wee wee).
Get back to your executive office, crack the bottle, have a couple of glasses, wait for it to kick in, make some important decisions, sack a few workers as if it’s a week before Christmas and, then unwrap the cheeses from their wax shells, eat them and drink the rest of the wine (you see! Life ‘can’ be fun!)
Hopefully you are now stoned and you are also the Governor of the Bank of England, raise Income Tax and VAT levels to make the poor get extra jobs; especially if it’s just before Christmas. Then using the ‘bells baby’ wax cases, squash them up and make a wax human figurine.
You are halfway to having your fantastic executive toy!
The next bit is simplicity itself.
Send your secretary to the supermarket to get some cocktail sticks. Upon her return, sack her for being too slow and using the journey as an unofficial break time. Secondly get a book of Voodoo incantations and spells sent by Amazon Prime.
Take a look ...
Next, wait until the executive in the other office block is taunting you from the window. Simply say the appropriate spell from the book and when they are at onewith the doll, stick a cocktail stick in its head. They will grab their head in a failure-bound attempt to stop the terrible pain. The idea is to, while you are gut laughing, get them into so much pain they throw themselves from their window and hopefully land on the spiked fence and are held in place by the vicious barbed wire. You can then dance around your office in utter joy.
I have made some kits which workers can use, to trash their horrible bosses for not allowing their summer leave for instance and, are available from me, Roger-Emup- Butté. The kit consists of five cheeses and two cocktail sticks, and a book from an unpublished, self published author (which is why I got it dirt cheap) “Powerful Voodoo Spells To Trash People You Don’t Like by Frank Uckem.
The kit costs four hundred and ninety nine pounds ninety-nine pence.
I don’t think it’s available from Wonky eBooks.
Here is a FREE potent Voodoo spell from the book
Eye of cat and tail of dog
Toe of hedgehog and tongue of frog
It’s not safe to travel in high winds on a ship unmasted
But never mind sailing, I want to pin that bastard.
Then say their name.
N.B. It is more effective when reciting the spell to dance around with a chicken wishbone between your lips while playing the bongos.